Ephesians 5:33 (ESV)
[33] However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
What does it mean for a wife to submit to her husband? I believe there are three words that help us understand what biblical submission is. The first is willing. Ephesians 5:22-24 and Colossians 3:18 instruct a wife to submit to her husband. The word submit is a military term that means to place yourself under someone's authority, or to rank yourself below someone. A lower ranking soldier might be smarter and have more natural ability or potential than an officer who outranks him. This is not about value, intelligence or ability. It is simply about rank. A wise superior officer will listen to and take into consideration the wisdom, experience and intelligence of those he outranks, but ultimately the decisions belong to him or to those above him in rank. Unlike the military, the husband is not given the right or authority to demand or enforce his wife's submission. In the case of marriage it is a submission given freely and willingly.
The second word is respect. Ephesians 5:33 instructs a wife to "see that she respects her husband." Obedience without respect is not submission. On the other hand, it is possible to disagree and appeal a decision and still be respectful. Biblical submission is not unquestioning obedience, but it is always respectful.
The third word is discernment. The same Greek word for submit is used in Romans 13:1 and 1 Peter 2:13 where we are told to submit to the governmental authorities over us. Throughout Acts we see the Apostles speaking respectfully to the authorities, but we also hear them say, in Acts 5:29, "We must obey God rather than men." Submission requires the discernment to know when those in authority have overstepped their bounds. Ultimately obedience to God supersedes obedience to any human authority.
Submission then, whether we are talking about submission in marriage or in any other human relationship, requires a willing heart, a respectful demeanor and a discerning spirit. Father, forgive me for the many times I have failed in all three of these areas. May my life reflect a solid faith in your sovereignty that allows me to have a willing heart, a respectful demeanor and a discerning spirit. May I lead, those over whom you have given me responsibility, with a spirit of humility and a wisdom that comes from above.
By His grace,
Rick Weinert
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