Colossians 3:19 (ESV)
Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.
What does it mean for a husband to love his wife? How might a wife answer that question differently than a husband? Is it possible that husbands who think that they are loving their wives are not treating them in a loving manner at all?
The ESV follows up "love your wives" with "do not be harsh to them." The NAS translates this slightly differently. It reads, "… do not be embittered against them." The difference lies in how the Greek is understood and translated, but the bottom line is the same. Being harsh with our wives often results from being embittered against them. So in order for a husband to love his wife he must first learn how to deal with his own emotions. He must first recognize the lies he has believed that led him to frustration and bitterness. Angry, bitter, hurt and frustrated people tend to treat others harshly out of their own hurt. What does it mean for a husband to love his wife? It means a great deal more than this, but it does mean that he learns to deal with his issues before God rather than taking out his bitterness on her, even if she seems to be the source of that bitterness. As believers we are not to grow bitter toward our wives or be harsh toward them.
How do you do that? It seems to me that the first step would be to identify the priorities and rights that you believe have been violated in your life that leads you to bitterness. Identify the lie beneath those hurts. Acknowledge them to God and ask for his peace. Then, begin to transform your attitudes and actions by embracing the truth instead of the lie. Transformation does not start with trying to change behavior. It starts with identifying and rejecting lies and believing truth. Romans says it like this:
Romans 12:2 (ESV)
[2] Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.
Father, I admit that it is far too easy for me to become self-focused, believing lies and developing expectations that my wife could never possibly meet. Forgive me. Today may I walk in truth and love my wife as you have loved me.
By His Grace,
Rick Weinert
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