Colossians 3:16-19 (ESV)

[16] Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. [17] And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. [18] Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. [19] Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.

Most Bible’s put a space between verses 17 and 18. In fact, most Bibles put a major break there with a new heading. That is unfortunate because the discussion of wives and husbands, children and fathers, bondservants and masters flows directly out of the passage that precedes it. Paul is writing about unity. He is writing about setting our minds on things above, putting off that which is earthly, and putting on the character of Christ. That character is expressed in forgiveness. Part of the process of setting our minds on things above is to “Let the word of Christ dwell in (us) richly” (Col 3:16). As we listen to the word of Christ and teach it to one another it is then practiced first at home. Therefore, Wives submit, husbands love, children obey, fathers do not provoke, bondservants obey, and masters treat their bondservants fairly. This is how the heavenly life first lives itself out in an earthly manner.

Too often we read these verses and misapply them in at least two ways. First, we separate them from their context. The result is that we are trying to live in church community in unity and forgiveness, but neglect to do so at home. Our household sees the worst in us. Maybe that is why Paul starts the application at home. Second, we assume that these are enforceable behaviors. Husbands insist on submission, parents force obedience in destructive ways, etc. We miss the truth that these behaviors are not listed so that we will enforce them. They are listed so that we will understand what the life of Christ willingly looks like in the most intimate relationships.

The question of whether we, as believers, are walking with God is not answered by going to a church where we all get along on the surface. The question of whether we, as believers, are walking with God is answered by how we live in our homes when no one else is looking. This is what the life of Christ looks like. It flows not out of enforced behavior, but out of those who understand who they are in Christ, set their minds on things above, and fill their minds with the teachings of Jesus. His word transforms us in our intimate relationships first. Church relationships are easy to fake. Who we are at home exposes what we really believe about who we are in Christ.