Philippians 4:2-3 (ESV)

[2] I entreat Euodia and I entreat Syntyche to agree in the Lord. [3] Yes, I ask you also, true companion, help these women, who have labored side by side with me in the gospel together with Clement and the rest of my fellow workers, whose names are in the book of life.

It seems that in every church there are those who get crossways with each other. In Philippi it appears that two women are in conflict. The cause of the conflict is not clear. Paul does not question their motives. He does not question their spirituality or their commitment to Christ. He reminds the church that both women “have labored side by side with me in the gospel” (Php 4:3). So what advice does he give to those he asks to “help these women” (Php 4:3)?

There are four things he immediately tells the Philippian church. First, he says, “Rejoice in the Lord” (Php 4:4). Too often when conflict arises our first response is to assume that one of them are in the wrong. We then feel that it is our responsibility to find out who is at fault. Paul doesn’t say, “Examine the evidence and figure out who is in the wrong.” He says, “Rejoice in the Lord” (Php 4:4). Their first response to conflict in their midst is to set their minds on the Lord.

Second, Paul writes, “Let your reasonableness be known to everyone” (Php 4:5). The word “reasonableness” is more often translated as gentleness, but both words really miss the force of the word. It carries the idea of “true equity that appropriately fulfills the spirit (not just the letter) of the law” (HELPS Word-studies). In conflict we tend to run to the Scriptures, find a command that we think applies, and then say, “Here is what needs to be done.” Reasonable gentleness understands that the commands of God are not mechanistic rules to be enforced, but commands that reveal the heart of God. It looks past legalistic enforcement to the heart of the matter and the heart of the individuals. It carries the idea of justice with compassion.

Third, Paul tells them “Do not be anxious about anything” (Php 4:6). When conflict arises anxiety increases. Anxiety tends to increase conflict rather than bring about peace. Paul calls the people of the church in Philippi to a non-anxious presence as they deal with interpersonal conflict.

Fourth, he says, “Pray.” “In everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God” (Php 4:6). This ties it all together. We cannot expect to maintain a non-anxious presence, a reasonable gentleness, and rejoice in the Lord if we are not in constant prayer. “In everything by prayer…” (Php 4:6). Notice that he says “prayer and supplication with thanksgiving” (Php 4:6). Too often we think of prayer only as supplication, but there is much more to prayer than just asking. We need to learn to listen. We need to learn to be honest with God. We need to learn to give God thanks when we can’t see anything to be thankful for. We need to sometimes just agonize over a situation in the presence of God, knowing that the Holy Spirit knows our heart and the heart of God. He translates that which we cannot speak into words and groanings that are in line with the heart and will of God (See Rom 8). “In everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God” (Php 4:6). The truth is, we need to learn to pray.

When there is conflict we need to try and help those in conflict find peace. To do that we need to rejoice in the Lord, approach the conflict with reasonable gentleness, retain a non-anxious presence, and pray, pray, pray. All of this takes time. We want quick results. Relationships take time. We need to learn to trust God and keep our eyes fixed on him. Then maybe we can truly help those who disagree.