I came across this letter I wrote to a fellow pastor a few years ago. I thought it was worth sharing as we start a new year.
Dear -------,
You are often in my prayers. Yes, being a pastor is
hard. It is hard because we often do not see results, or we do not see results
as quickly as we would like. It is hard because there is always more to be done
than we have time and energy to do. It is hard because we often fail to live up
to our own expectations and we assume that our expectations are God’s
expectations. It is hard because we so badly want people to know God and to
change and grow. The truth is, being a pastor is not hard. It is impossible. At
some point we need to come to a place of brokenness where we realize, admit and
accept the truth that we can’t do it and it is not about us.
Being a pastor is hard because sometimes God allows us
to go through a desert when our soul feels dry. We pray but it feels like God
is not there. We read the Word of God but it feels empty. We try to minister
but we feel inadequate, and sometimes even angry. I have often found myself in
this desert over the years. In fact I wrote a poem about this based on James
1:17:
Sometimes I Feel ...
Empty, Dead, Dry, Devastated, Worn
out, and Exhausted
Sometimes I feel like a piece of beef
jerky
torn
salted
and
dried
But my God never changes!
He’s like a candle that never flickers
a bulb that never burns out
a
sun that never sets
a
light that never dies
My emotions are like variegated cloth
with dark patches and bright spots
constantly changing as experience
dips in and out of the shadows ...
But in all my variation He is always
the same.
He is the constant pure glow of
holiness,
faithfulness,
and
love...
On Him I can Depend!
© 1994 Richard C. Weinert
When I am in that desert I need to often remind myself
of several truths.
1. God
loves these people and so should I. It is too easy to begin to resent and be angry
at the very people God has called me to minister to because I do not see them
growing and changing as I think they should. Take some time to thank God for
each person and the good things about them.
2. It
is necessary to spend time in the desert on the way to the Promised Land. I have to remind myself that whether I feel
God’s presence or not, God is there. He promised that he would never leave me
nor forsake me. (Romans 8; Hebrews 13) Following God is a matter of faith, not
sight. “Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not
seen.” (Hebrews 11) I have discovered that my desert times are what prepared me
for times of fruitfulness.
3. It
is in these desert times that I need to consciously and intentionally refocus
on God. Prayer needs to be more about listening and less about talking. It
needs to be filled more with worship and thanksgiving and less with requests
and demands. It needs to be more silence and less talking. I need to spend time
in the presence of God without speaking.
4. It
is often in these times that I need to change up my Bible reading/Bible
mediation practice. If I have been reading and meditating on short passages I
may need to simply read as much as I can without thinking too much about it. If
I have been trying to read through the Bible in a certain period of time I may
need to slow down and read the same passage every day for a week. It sometimes
helps me to begin writing about what I am reading. The process of writing
causes me to think through the passage in a fresh manner.
5. I
need to make sure that I am getting enough physical rest and that I am not
looking to something to fill me that may actually drain me. When I begin
feeling this way I will often stay up late feeling that as long as I am up late
the morning will take longer to come. The problem is that all I accomplish is
to be more tired in the morning. I tend to watch mindless television as a way
of not thinking about things, but that only compounds the problems. It never
helps. Some people turn to pornography, fantasy or alcohol as a way of escape.
All of these things compound the problem rather than helping.
Hebrews 4 says that there
remains a rest for the people of God. You need to make sure that you are
intentionally building times of rest into your life. Rest takes different
forms. When we have been mentally and spiritually active rest might take the
form of something physical. Hard work or hard play, or just a long walk is
sometimes helpful. Other times rest takes the form of a nap or a good night’s sleep.
Sometimes rest means listening to someone else’s sermons instead of preaching
more of my own. Ultimately Christ is our rest, but there is also a need for
physical, spiritual and emotional rest. The busyness of ministry will suck you
dry unless you are very intentional about resting. I find it interesting that
Jesus often withdrew to the wilderness (Luke 5:16) and that he took his
disciples away to the wilderness after they had been out preaching (Luke 9:10).
Jesus needed those times of rest and he knew that his disciples needed to get
away.
You are not alone. Everyone in ministry wrestles with this. I had a long
conversation in Ukraine with a missionary facing some of the same things. I
often feel this way. Many times ministry is hard and lonely. We don’t see the
fruit until years later. Sometimes we won’t see it until we get to Heaven. I am
amazed at how God has used ministry that I did 40 years ago, but it has only
been in the last 10 years that I found out about it. That is why we walk by
faith and not by sight. Just remember that ultimately it is not about you. This
is God’s work. He will accomplish his purpose in his time. Trust him, rest and
wait. We always work from a position of rest in Christ so Hebrews challenges
us: “Let us therefore strive to enter that rest, so that no one may fall by the
same sort of disobedience.” (Hebrews 4:11 (ESV)) It doesn’t say, “Let us strive
to do ministry.” It says let us strive “to enter that rest.” All effective
ministry comes not from working longer and harder, but from resting in Christ.
I hope this is helpful. You are in my prayers.
By his grace,
Rick
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